Okay, surfers, I am going to write some things I never intended to write when I started this blog. I was inspired by Ly Syin’s blog. If you surf over to the blog you will see she was inspired by another blogger. Perhaps when you read this you will be inspired to add your testimony?
The reason I said that I never intended to write a testimony is because I felt that my life’s travails were not worth reading. Since writing this blog I have followed the direction of the Holy Spirit and I am striving to live in the present moment. This blog will ne no different. If you do surf over to Ly Syin’s blog leave a note of eoncouragement, because she is now part of our social network.
I came from a family where Christian belief was rooted deep. My grandparents and parents were devout Christians and taught me from a very young age a Christian orthodoxy that was steeped in tradition. One lesson I learned very young was that suicide was a sin. If you want to go to Heaven, you don’t commit suicide. It is this due to this one lesson that I am here today. I wanted to go to Heaven. I discovered years later that there was suicide in my extended family. It was a great shame. I dearly wanted to be with God. As a young person, my faith was still dependent on my family.
I distinctly remember when I accepted God personally, hence the testimony I promised you. I was in 9th grade, and I was as low as I had ever been. I had no concept of what it meant to be in the present and have God with me in the present moment. I lived in my future mind, please excuse the psychological processing. There were bullies who had haunted me since 5th grade, so for 4 years I lived in fear (future mind), being harrassed every day I went to school, by multiple children. There was no respite at home, either. I was bullied there too by my parents. It seems I did’t live up to their expectations and I don’t think they were really ready for children. These fears affected everything in my life. I was afraid to go to school, and my stomach was so upset I could not eat breakfast before school. I didn’t want to go home from school either.
Please bear with me, I needed to draw the backdrop or the testimony might not make sense. It seemed easier to commit suicide than live another day in this fear. Instead, I got down on my knees and prayed like I had never prayed before. I gave it all up to God. This is what is known as a flashbulb memory. I remember everything, where I was, what I was wearing, what the room looked and smelled like. I talked about this day for years as the turnaround, where my strong belief in God saved my life. I stepped away from my parent’s faith, and now it was personal. I found that I could give all my fears to God, and live through the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
If this was not a miracle enough for you, dear surfer, let me tell you that I was a very socially awkward child. After giving my life to God I found that I was still a very socially awkward child, and I became a very socially awkward adult. Okay, so you can’t blame God for that. The bullies still harassed me daily. My parent’s still didn’t treat me like they really wanted me. What was different, and this is a continuous process in my life, was through this suffering I found the daily communication channel to God. God guided me every day. God taught me compassion for others, and I learned that I freely received the love of God through people every day, so it is my responsibility to freely give that to others.
A little preachy? You should have heard the words spoken, the way I did in my head. I gave myself an “Amen!”
There you have it. The charge, surfers, now belongs to you. Read the testimonies from the link I provided. Add yours, even if it is just between you and God. In the end all that matters is what is between you and God.